Solo Parenting

I've been thinking about solo parenting since yesterday was Mother's Day. There are times I wish Layne was still here. I liked it better when he was here to take care of some of the responsibilities. Life was easier. But, I guess that's not the point of this life. It works so much better when a team is working together than just having one person doing it all. I'm still able to find joy in my experiences. I think my biggest thing (besides missing him) is doing it all on my own. And when I say all...I mean all. I'm not just referring to the specifics of being a parent. Although, that certainly feels like enough in itself.

Growing Pains

I just dropped Megan off at volleyball. I was driving out of the parking lot and saw what looked like a family heading toward the gym. The teen girl was joking around with her dad and he put his arm around her. I had the thought: Megan doesn't have a dad to do that with...
I had tears come to my eyes. It hurts sometimes to know that my kids are growing up without a dad. They will go throughout their adult lives - without a dad. Rachel was just nine when he died. I realized as I drove home that I need to do more to help the kids remember their dad. Another thing to work on.:}
It makes it harder to know that Layne would love to be here. He felt a great responsibility in being a father. It was so important to him. I'm sure it still is. It's not like he's all of the sudden not their father anymore. He will always be. He just has to be somewhere else right now. I'm sure he thinks about them and wants the best for them. I would guess he even prays for them. Then there's the whole other topic of whether he thinks I'm doing a good job or not. Ugh. There are so many times I feel like I disappoint him.