Married or Single

In the temple today I was asked if I wanted to do some sealings. I declined as I didn't have much time. I also haven't done sealings since Layne passed away. I know I should work on that...but, I just haven't. Being asked that question reminded me of the last time Layne and I were across the alter from each other. It was in Nauvoo during a reunion that my family had there just months before Layne died. I savored the memory. I was then back to the present where I have been processing the idea of remarrying or staying single. When Layne first died I had no intention of ever finding anyone else. I felt like I was already married. I remember someone had mentioned it to me just a couple of months after his passing and I might have had a tiny melt down. My Dad responded for me. I was there - but, he could tell I wasn't able to speak. At the time, I was a little horrified that someone would even mention it.
Fast forward to the present. I have since had conversations with others about their ideas on getting remarried. I feel more comfortable socializing with others and getting out of my comfort zone. Today in the temple it hit me that I just want to do what will work best. It's all about how I will be able to live my life's purpose and help people along the way (which I feel is part of my life's mission). If I will be able to be part of a stronger force in helping others if I get remarried...then, bring it on. If I will be able to reach more people being single...let's get the ball rolling. I guess at this point I need to figure out what that will be. Either way, I have some work to do.:}

Social Media Reminders

I occasionally have a hard time when I see others posting (on social media) about their significant others. I understand wanting to share that it's your anniversary, or their birthday, or that they helped you out in a huge way. Most of the time...I'm fine. I'm happy for them and grateful they have positive things to share. I'm even thankful friends and family have someone amazing in their lives. It's just that some days...it's hard. Sometimes I feel a little jealous. (Maybe. It might be another word I'm needing.) Or maybe it's a reminder that my husband isn't here. It might trigger a memory of a time that Layne was a huge help. Or at times it makes me think about how I'm on my own. It's just another reminder that I'm single and don't have someone to celebrate with, for, or because of...